I really hate these transition moments: from confusion to clarity. I can feel them as clearly as one can feel climbing one step of a staircase after another. Several minutes ago it was this "OMFG, there's no end to this" and then it's suddenly THE goddamn epiphany. Revelation of the actual simplicity of things. Order and structure and certainty and security. The feeling of "I know what's next and I know what to do about it". And the "nothing can bring me down".

The point is that I hate these moments because I know the chaos CAN go and the order CAN come. And I don't want the confusion to ever come back.
I want the calm and cold blood all the fucking time. So why can't I MAKE it come whenever I need it? Yeah, it's all rhetorical. And pathetic.


complete offtopic: I wonder if you have seen 36 Quai des Orfèvres. If not, I'd like to see it with you. It would be almost new to me because I managed to forget the plot and all I have left is the soundtrack that I love beyond any limit and the general feeling.